Posted by: Ryan McDonald | December 21, 2008

New Release for ’09 puts the “action” in Action Figure.

I remember the “good old days” of action figure collecting; when you’d buy a toy, take it out of the box and then find multiple ways to break and/or mutilate it with your best friends. I have fond memories of GI Joes and firecrackers, He-Man figures and a magnifying glass, (“Ve have vays of making you talk Camerade Man-E-Faces”) and a troop of Star Wars figures lost to the Sarlac Pit we made in Mark Williams’ sandbox down the street. We didn’t set out to destroy items which could have possibly paid for a used car or a keg of PBR someday. We had toys and we PLAYED with them! That’s what you were SUPPOSED to do… Not any more.

I blame Todd McFarlane. With the oodles of cash he made off the Spawn comic book, he created his own action figure company (McFarlane Toys) and brought about the downfall of playable toys. Before McFarlane Toys was around, people made toys with the intention that kids would take them out of the box and mess around with them. They had joints, swivels, pivots, all sorts of accessories, were vaguely detailed and we made to take a bruisin’ and keep on ‘a’ rockin’. McFarlane’s toys were made to… sit there and look cool. And they did that in spades. They were gorgeous pieces of art with fine detail, backdrops and big, square boxes that sat on a shelf like a champ. I should know. I bought a crapload of ’em when they came out. I took them out of the boxes and set them up on any available flat surface to show off to the world! Then… I tried to play with them, *SNAP!* The arms popped right of the socket. Or *Plop*, they’d fall over because you didn’t have their feet set juuust right. It seems that I was one of the only ones who was stupid enough to take them out of the box and found the fatal flaw in their design because shortly thereafter, EVERYONE switched to the INaction figure style of beautiful pre-posed characters with no articulation.

In the latest in the line of “That’s-So-Freakin-Useless-I-Must-Own-It” toys comes this Toys ‘R’ Us exclusive figure, due out in 2009:

Diamond T has announced in their ‘E Spectrum’ online newsletter the its first exclusive for Toys R’ Us is none other than an Admiral Kirk ‘Khaaaannnn!’ 7″ action figure. The action figure commemorates the iconic moment when Kirk “doesn’t mince words” and “expresses his true feelings” about Khan from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Star Trek toys are already starting to show up at TRU, and the Kirk exclusive will be available soon.

I know. I know. I know… I want one too… but WHY?! What’s wrong with me that I would want something that I just spent the last half page ranting against? It’s not like I’d be waiting in line if they came out with a Star Wars Exclusive Darth Vader Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Action Figure…

Or would I?


  1. Hasbro’s been re-releasing the old GI Joes for the 25 year anniversary (and hype for the 2009 movie). I picked up a Snake Eyes Commando, and just as I was ready to open it and play, I realized: I have no other Joes, no vehicles, no bases, and… no kids. It’s still in the box.

  2. Lol… A friend of mine had the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves action figure… except he lost the weapons. His little sister wanted to play with us all the time, so one day he grabbed the Robin Hood figure, gave it to her and said, “Fine! We’re playing GI Joe. You get to be Kevin Costner!”

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